I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
