Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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