i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
