and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
