every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
