i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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