Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
