please come you make the beer taste better
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
