Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
