I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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