Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
