Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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