Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
