just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
