Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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