Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
