my phone needs a breathalizer
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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