It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He better not be in your backpack
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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