Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
