I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
