Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
