apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize