I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize