he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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