I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
