Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
