you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
