ya dads aren't the best wingmen
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
