yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
