I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
