go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
