So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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