Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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