Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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