You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
