im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
