Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
