My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
