Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
