guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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