if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
