Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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