Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
