I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
