Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
