Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
