brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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