I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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