i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
