They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
