i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
