I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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