Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
