I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
