but the lizard people decide everything anyway
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
