Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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