Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
