My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
