I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize