So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
