It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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