tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
