somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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