Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
