Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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